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You Contain Multitudes!
Joe Lilli
Since hearing your take on this years ago, I have actually been inspired to take it in the complete opposite direction. I want to save up money to offer a party that they otherwise might struggle to afford. I want to pay the majority of the hotel, and have breakfast vouchers, and so much more. So my guests can feel just taken care of, because you’re right, many of my family members can’t afford more than the dress they bought 4 weddings ago. I really want to do that as a way of allowing my family to have a family reunion at my party where I get married. Its an undertaking for someone who isnt well paid, but its important to me.
Yes girl omg Indian weddings but bc of gratitude and gift culture rather than rubbing wealth in other casts faces. You’re a gem 🎉
You’re good people!!!
May you fulfill this gift to them.
I LOVE this take. I wanted to do something similar when my husband and I got married but my husband was NOT having it. I pitched ideas about maybe doing a family cruise (this was pre-Covid) and paying for like 20 relatives to go. Some of his family can’t afford to go on a vacation away. Or paying for everyone to have dinner at a place like Texas de Brazil because a lot of our family hadn’t experienced an upscale dining experience. He wanted the regular, boring wedding. I think 5 days together with the family is way cooler than a 4 hour party that put more financial strain on everyone involved.
We had a very small and quiet wedding. Us. Two witnesses.
Saved the money to have two parties in two different locations. Didn’t work out as planned, but we’ve got the money banked and are looking for the right time and locations.
The early Valentine’s Day send off killed me 😂
Omgggg me toooooo!!!
Thanks, I was feeling bad about saying no to being in a wedding and now I don’t feel as bad. Way too expensive, hard to take off work.
OMFG thank you for saying the quiet part out loud!!!
Wish I could send this to every one I know. All of a sudden my friends and family are doing insane destination weddings. Besides the money that it costs I don’t have time for this! Such pressure. 😅
Destination weddings are so ridiculous. Going to a beautiful location is what the honeymoon is for! You cannot expect guests to drop thousand of dollars and time off work to go to a wedding.
Our wedding was around a bonfire next to a creek in a campground, for dinner we had a food truck and we hired an oldies band and tipped them very well
Sounds like a vibe
The simpler the better, more fun for everyone.
Love this. So true. As much as I am happy for a lot of people when they get married, I really hate the entitled attitude that comes with it. Most weddings are boring, ego-driven, and expensive. It’s a party and should be treated as such.
As Americans who got married in Ireland just a few months ago – couldn’t agree more. Attendance was always optional, always understood to be a big ask, and we made clear any gifts beyond attendance were also unnecessary.
As someone who is still pissed off at a friend for drowning herself in debt to throw a party for other people on HER wedding, I appreciate this message.
@@CaraMarie13
how can you get debt for a wedding?
do they have a mortgage, or you mean credit card?
Totally agree with the point but I will say getting married to the right guy for me was TOTALLY an accomplishment in my book:)
My wife and I had a small, budget. My best wore a suit he already owned. My wife’s maid-of-honour found a dress at the thrift store and had it tailored. We were about to move to a different city so we didn’t register for any gifts. We told people that if they wanted to gift something we’d appreciate cheques and gift cards to a few specific places so that we could afford to buy what we needed for our new place after the move. It was as low stress as we could manage. There was no drama from guests. We’re hoping to have a bigger party for our 15th anniversary because it looks like we still won’t have the budget for that when we hit 10 next year.
We had a great wedding. It was easy to get to and we paid for the bridal party clothes, etc. We didn’t think it was fair to ask people to spend a bunch of money on a dress just to stand next to us. We called in favors and used connections to get things done. We also straight up told our friends that if they helped, that was their gift. It ended up being a lot of fun and no one had to break the bank.
I have a friend who is getting married, the day after valentines. And they want nothing. I’m a little mad at them, gift giving is my love language. Having said that. I am ecstatic for them.
Yes and please call out the “cover your plate” expectation, for a party I’m being invited to.
Went to a wedding in 2019 where I was too broke to buy bills or groceries, and the bride and her sister told me with confidence that each couple invited is just *supposed to gift* at least $150 to cover their plates.
I was pretty incensed. I. Couldn’t. Afford to live.
I love the fact that she mentions “IT IS NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT” I feel like women have been trained to think that it is.
Staying married with relative happiness is the accomplishment.
Agreed!
I went with my husband and signed the papers. Two of us. Regular clothes. Cost zero dollars exactly. 10/10, highly recommend. The saved money was put into our honeymoon at lake Como. ❤
I’ve never been married, but I’d rather take an epic honeymoon. My married friends have all shown me that weddings are stressful to arrange and the people who aren’t getting married have the most fun there
So much this!!!!!
We are personally in this situation currently as we have family coming in from overseas. I know the travel and time off alone is quite a lot. So I’ve reiterated: we DO NOT need or expect any monitary gifts as their presence is what we value the most. If they would like to gift us something, I’ve asked them for a few common grocery staples that are not easily available where we live (or extremly expensive). But for them are negliable costs.
We planned our wedding according to the budget we are comfortable spending, without counting on gifts. We will be grateful for any we recieve, but them just being there and celebrating our special day is what we care about the most.
And I hope this becomes more of the standard.
(Side note): another couple is getting married and we’ve just agreed we will mutually skip the gifts to oneanother.
I found a shop that was filled to the brim with bridesmaids/prom dresses that were all $50. I chose the color and let my bridesmaids choose a dress they felt beautiful and comfortable in because they all had different body types and I wanted my pictures to be beautiful with real smiles. I did expect my bridesmaids to buy their own dress. I wish I had budgeted to pay for their dresses. I paid for their make up and gave them nice neclaces as gifts, but they bought the dresses. Looking back, that dress was for me not for them. They were never going to wear it again. That was 18 years ago, but I still regret it.
Preach! I actually missed my SIL’s bridal shower because attending meant more money than I could spend on a monthly basis, while all the other attendees could spend it.
Thank you…I’ve said this for years…the nerve of people to expect their guests to drop tons of money for their destination weddings, multiple celebrations and who knows what else these days!
Great comment. I have always said, it makes me I’ll that we have bridal and baby showers to give people gifts for getting married and having a baby. There is no registry for your college degree, master’s, or doctorate degrees that actually took years of work. A wedding is a party.