At the end of the day, what people remember is who actually showed up for them. Relationships aren’t built on grand gestures—they’re built on consistency.
#CommunityMatters #ShowUpForPeople #InvestInRelationships #SupportSystem #BuildingConnections #FriendshipGoals #Networking #PersonalGrowth #BeThere #MeaningfulConnections #relationships #consistency #selfhelp #accountability
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Yeppppp people talk about how hard it is to make friends and build communities, and this is the answer. Commit to things that are within your capacity and honor your commitments.
Knowing your capacity is so key! We introverts have to balance self-care with community-building as much as possible so we don’t risk either burnout or isolation. And, that balance will look different for everyone.
I view making (and keeping!) commitments as an investment in my future. Same as investing money for my future. I balance my needs right now with my wants for my future life. I want companionship in my life. It’s not easy. I don’t have a ton of social capacity. But it’s been worth it!
YESSSS👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I have loved ALL my resident communities ESPECIALLY in the low income communities that I had been a part of; huge RESPECT working, volunteering and helping people IS A BEAUTIFUL BLESSING. YOU NEVER know when you’ll need your community, community resources, and community support. Again, I LOVE MY COMMUNITY bc they DO really show up for YOU when you need them the most ❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥰💕💕💕💞
You either deal with the problems of community or you deal with the problems of isolation. I know which set I would rather have
This. In my experience, dealing with problems in isolation largely comes down to how much are you willing to pay to fix a problem. Last year I had one of my car windows broken in 24 hours before I had to fly away from home to help a family member for several weeks. I don’t have a garage I could just leave my car in while I was gone so I was really in a bind. If money was no object, there were probably ways to get that handled by myself. Fortunately, I had friends I could call who could take care of my car for me, saving me who knows how much money not to mention stress. The next time they need help I will be there with bells on.
@ariwl1 see if you live in isolation stuff like that doesn’t happen. Nobody’s going to drive way out in the boonies to break my car window.
Isolation. I choose isolation.
@@krn2683 same. As someone who is neurodivergent, forcing myself to socialise when I am exhausted leads to actual physical pain – migraines specifically. I’ll happily choose isolation over being in constant pain. It’s funny how “community” never equates to understanding the different ways in which people interact with the world, and being supportive of that. “Community” is just insisting you exist in the world in the exact manner that has been identified by the masses, and if you don’t assimilate you have to isolate.
@@KristianaCembre il sorry you’re in pain and you feel forced to isolate. That sounds very unfortunate.
Another perspective for those who might have more capacity put themselves out there to look for community: I’m neurodivergent and I have community. A loving group of neurodivergent queerdos (term used most affectionately). If you are able to find the right people, there is no script to follow. There are folks out there who are safe, understanding, non-judgmental, and totally cool with quiet time. It’s possible.
Yes, and – we need the people we show up for to be willing to show up too. I think a good chunk of people who give up on showing up for people do so because they’ve shown up for people who take advantage of their willingness to do the work, intentionally or not. Helping out can easily go from something they appreciate to something they expect from you. The boundary I have is that I’ll only continue showing up for people who show up for themselves and others. It doesn’t need to be comfortable for me to step up, but it also shouldn’t be at the expense of my agency – it should always feel like a choice, not an obligation
1000% this
This comes off as someone who would blame a disabled person for “asking for too much.” Like… if you’re this resentful about an idea that you dont get a return, you aren’t giving, you’re doing business.
@@sierrafrost1222 Not really, it seems you have no idea how many people would choose to take advantage of someone’s kindness, not everyone but a lot
@glori06 lmao yeah I have no idea. OR you just don’t understand what it’s like to be disabled in a society that can’t be bothered to talk with precision and nuance and instead spreads over simplified messages that add to your oppression every single day. But it’s probably that I’ve never been taken advantage of. 🙄
Once heard someone describe “community” as a verb. You can do it or you can not; and that’s the difference of having one, being part of one– and not.
Sometimes the community rejects you on its own. It’s not everyone’s choice.
Agreed but please don’t let people walk all over you either!! Community is a two way street
Agree with your overall philosophy, major disagree with that screenshot lol. I dont need to cohabitate with ppl to get community. Trust me, I’m a WAY better person when i can live alone in my own space. It’s a huge privilege i haven’t always had, but it 100% gives me more energy for socialization.
1000% agree
I think they mean that often people will get upset in a romantic relationship that their partner doesn’t live the way they do 100% or that they’re not always 100% enjoying being around each other. I love my partner, but sometimes I do wish that I lived alone, I don’t actually want to be alone but there are moments of irritation or annoyance where “i wish I didn’t have to deal with this” but in reality i don’t really feel that way because I love living with him. I choose to be annoyed at times (and ofc I’m going to be annoying at times) because the company is worth it. I don’t think OP meant you need to live with others to have a sense of community. You can live alone and be socially full, you can also have a romantic partner and choose not to live together, I just think sometimes people can be too quick to run from an annoyance that they miss out on something fulfilling that is just annoying sometimes.
I think the peeps that do these posts forget that they are really annoying too. People love you despite your flaws. You should do the same for others. Let’s face it non of us are perfect.
⬆️⬆️⬆️
I might be a bad texter/ phone call person, but one thing I always do is show up to plans that involve me, even when I don’t want to go.
👑
1000% me
YESSSS👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I have loved ALL my resident communities ESPECIALLY in the low income communities that I had been a part of; huge RESPECT working, volunteering and helping people IS A BEAUTIFUL BLESSING. YOU NEVER know when you’ll need your community, community resources, and community support. Again, I LOVE MY COMMUNITY bc they DO really show up for YOU when you need them the most ❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥰💕💕💕💞
Am I the only one kinda triggered by this ? As you Said building community requires effort but as someone coming from a traditional african family it often means putting others before your needs and man I just cant anymore. That meant having your wedding their way. That meant educating my baby their way. Basically living my life their way or having to put up with constant criticism. And that was the only way to have a village cause of course you have to respect your elders. I chose to go no contact and yep that means absolutely no one from my family will show up for me when I need it, which can be hard, but that also means I can make my own life choices and spend my money for me rather than for the building of a family house I dont even care about. Church kinda was the same. Yeah great community, ppl willing to help but you kinda have to abide by the rules and behave the way your expected to. When you want to do your own thing ooooh youre rebellious and stuff. Work is the only Space where I kinda force myself to network and small talk because you definitely need it to progress and get that money. But boy is it exhausting to have lunch with racist and sexist colleagues. So yeah, Im glad I live in a western country where I can chose to have a very restricted community that I love ( husband, baby and a few friends) without being threatened to lose everything because I have to rely on a community which would be ( like most traditional communities) based on hierarchy and obedience.
I’m with you!! This almost sounds like advice to self abandon and cross all of your own boundaries for the sake of others.
But I do get where she is coming from. We live in a culture of convenience that favors self-serving and antisocial tendencies over community building. It’s such a tough balance to strike (community care / self care) in the world we live in.
absolutely holding space for you. i come from same dynamic because of asian family. im still in contact but I kept in contact with the ones who are at least serving SOME part of community. but for the ones who are NOT reliable AND just criticize me, what is the point? but i know you cant always pick and choose. it does mean we end up having to rebuild community from scratch with kinder more resonant people. i just really relate to this complexity
Yeah… Thinking hers on this topic is just 🙄
Community looks different for everyone. I’m glad you shared your perspective ❤
Nuance cannot be fully expressed in a youtube short, you actually have to use your own critical thinking to fill in the gaps (context, exceptions, disclaimers). Like fucking duh remove yourself from communities that only burden and deflate you and find (and show up for!) communities that enrich you.
I feel like there’s a flaw here? Being annoyed isnt the cost, its inconvience at most. Being annoyed is putting in the effort and metaphorically having nothing to show from it time and again.
As a disabled person, I find it frustrating that most of the opportunities for me to contribute to my community are physical acts of service or otherwise inaccessible. Showing up for your community sounds so simple in theory but the reality is very difficult for me.
Same here. I’m basically having to live under what most people call “lockdown” conditions because I straight up don’t have an immune system (on top of physical disabilities). A lot of people I used to consider friends can’t be bothered to wear a mask around me when I ask / invite them over (y’know, so I don’t die) or have gatherings at a place I can safely access. It makes me feel forgotten and no amount of talking to them about it has changed anything.
So what does a clinically diagnosed counter-dependent do? Every experience I’ve had putting myself out there for my community has resulted in near zero returns. People say “mutual aid” but mean charity. When it’s their turn to honor the “mutual” part, I’m almost always met with either excuses or radio silence.
In our capitalist world, a lot of us don’t know how to show up for ourselves, so we struggle to show up for others. I would say it’s even an intentional part of the oppressive systems we live in. There’s the obvious physical oppression of poverty and fascism, but often times it’s the psychological impact that penetrates our lives the most.
Love this. I like to create my own community by scheduling time for friends and trying to follow through as much as possible. If we’re meeting up for dinner or on zoom (I have international friends).
“But but but they didnt show up for me, first!” – the america-pilled response
I’m just glad to see we’re all equally annoyed lol I thought I was a bad person for not being chipper to do all these things all the time and wishing I could just be a hermit instead
As a disabled person with an autoimmune disease, physically “showing up” is literally impossible for me most days. I do my best to keep in touch with my friends but it’s hard when they can’t even be bothered to wear a mask when I invite them into my home (I can’t be around anyone but my husband without a mask because i have no immune system 🙃). If they respond to me at all.
@Rowan.Evander yeah, this video is ableist and incredibly privileged. It’s not helpful to anyone, but especially not disabled people, to put out unspecified and messages about showing up for each other. If she knew the oppression of disabled people, she’d have mentioned it. She is not helping.
Chelsea, I think a lot of people here are showing interesting perspectives on this topic. We’d greatly appreciate a follow-up on this to further elaborate if you have the time❤
Sometimes your (even just perceived) differences cause the community to isolate you. Believe me. I remember the people who did not show up for me and outcast me when I showed up for them. And it’s not in a positive light.