Should I Leave My Husband For Being A Trump Voter? | Asked & Answered
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Welcome back for season 2 of Asked & Answered! Due to popular demand, we're back with another 6 episode season, once again co-hosted by TFD founder Chelsea Fagan & Erin Lowry of Broke Millennial. This series is dedicated to answering your personal money questions, from budgeting and investing basics, to navigating the financial headlines of our current political climate.
Thanks to Erin for her expertise!
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I don’t understand how two married people’s morals can diverge so sharply without warning signs that have nothing to do with political leaders. Like, what is a daily conversation with this guy like?
They don’t converse. They talk in superficial terms.
🧐🤔
It happens more then you think. I have a classmate whose husband voted for Trump. And they had those conversations until they just agreed not to speak about it anymore 😕
If you look at people who become ardent MAGA suporters the shift is more like being inducted into a cult than a gradual shift in ideals. Your partner joining a cult isn’t necessarily something you can catch quickly, especially if you’re in the grind of full-time work AND parenting.
I remember when I went on the first date with the person I would eventually marry a friend said “don’t talk too much about the pets! Don’t do politics!” And I was like “No way, I need to know if the person I’m seeing is compatible”.
@@GizmoAndKiwi HA! when I’m in a social environment and there’s someone I like, I say loud and clear I’m left leaning. I repeat it, make jokes about that. On a first date, I ask who they voted for. I understand some people don’t want to “ruin the date” by talking about that… But I rather ruin a date than ruin my life.
Your answers to the first question were generous to the guy but also realistic and reasonable for the wife. ❤ This is an important conversation.
I don’t know why they’re so generous to a man who had a blow up fight about the DoE with his wife, a teacher, and then admitted he lied to her about his vote for a fascist
If there were no children involved, children growing up to see dysfunction as a normal relationship.
I don’t get how this man felt that “the economy felt bad” yet he is a software engineer making 4x the amount she is making. Also the fight being over her literal livelihood of education is a super red flag.
Great points. How the hell are you going to look your wife in the eye and without ever even asking the very person who is in the education sphere about the workings of the education system, you decide it just needs to go? I too don’t want to just say immediately divorce them, but that would make me really concerned, if I were her, about how my husband thinks of me.
Portfolios took a hit in the last several years. A lot of people jumped on during low interest rates when any dummy could make money and then they lost it.
The market was doing gangbusters under Biden. Anyone who lost money during that time is a moron who was probably betting on things going south at any point because their politics dictated they should be.
Lol his war hammer figurines got twice as expensive under Biden
That’s what he heard on his manosphere podcast
As a person who is distancing from my parents in part because they have shifted so far right over the course of the last 10-15 years, divorce and run. The lack of shared reality is so real and the inability to have real conversations around almost every issue due to that lack of shared reality is exhausting and scary.
If this woman thinks she can potentially bring him back around to shared reality through conversations, and individual and couples therapy – give it a shot but start really stuffing that emergency fund.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
agreed. My mom chose to remain married to my MAGA dad (granted, I’m pretty sure the far right conspiracies started in the 90s for him) and it is tough to watch. I am still in contact, but there’s such a limited range of topics we can discuss without the lack of shared reality rearing its ugly head. we couldnt even watch the NBA playoffs without it coming up.
I’d start prepping for divorce, even if she needs some time to act on it.
I have this issue with either Trump-voting family or non-voting friends. They ask, for example, about my college-age kids. I say, “Well, science-related graduate programs are being cancelled, so I don’t know what my son will be able to do once he finishes his four-year Physics degree.” Them: “Oh, and how is your daughter doing?” Like, it requires avoiding the ENORMOUS elephant in the room in order to help THEM maintain cognitive dissonance from how THEIR decision has impacted people’s lives in a very tangible way. Exhausting.
But you’re not doing something that a pwecious uwu man doesn’t like. That’s what Chelsea and the Broke Millennial find so objectionable. I don’t get why it’s so popular for women to identify as feminists when their words and actions paint them as being very pro-man and very anti-woman. God imagine the sexism in those “romance novels”. I’ll bet cash there’s at least one r*pe scene in her book where the woman learns to like it.
I have to say, I adore this series and the aggressive but loving vibes
This wasn’t aggressive at all. It was kid gloves. Unfortunately White women in this country aren’t used to being told the truth. Equally, they aren’t used to listening. It’s long overdue for “you all” to interrogate how much you subscribe to the capitalistic ideals upheld by patriarchy. The woman who wrote in bought into the idea of being financially taken-care-of by a man and never thought to ask… At what cost?
Yes! I caught that too, they’re similar and different in approached and perspectives, but I’ll always be a Cheslea Fagan stan
Your first questioner metioned her husband changed after starting going to the gym. Gym culture is particularly toxic Red Pill/Tate Brothers type garbage. Also expect him to be into crypto.
This! It’s possible he’s into debt in secret for meme coins that the grifters told him to buy! Not even kidding!
It sounds like he was toxic all along but she didn’t want to see it
@@johnw1895Don’t forget that some people are good at hiding or distracting others from their toxicity.
Sounds like he learned about discipline and accountability, so naturally he started to lean more right
@@VanjeAv My first thought was also debt or some kind of other, significant outgoing expenses that the wife doesn’t know about. It seems weird that he was concerned enough about the rising cost of living to vote for Trump, but he (seemingly) didn’t say anything about it to her and is ALSO cheering on the destruction of the Department of Education, which could cost her her job… which seems pretty unlikely to help their financial situation!
5:05 “I’m so sick of thinking about this man” is the perfect summation of my feelings about Tr*mp.
He’s completely fractured my family. Not that things were good before, but it’s like someone slamming a sledgehammer into a dam that’s cracked from bottom to top and is just about to burst.
My answer to the video title would be yes, leave. They don’t live in reality. They exist in their own little world where they’re always being persecuted, but in reality they’re the ones doing the persecuting.
The aryan will cry out in pain as it strikes you. Nothing is ever their fault, they’re always the victims. No critical thinking or self awareness to be found.
He went to women’s march with her in 2017 though, sounds like a very easily influenced person
Always have emergency funds and secret savings accounts. They protect you from relationship vulnerabilities and jobs you hate. It’s freedom!
Secret accounts part sews the seeds of distrust
@@williemaxt Then don’t make the account secret, just make it not jointly accessible. If the partner can’t handle that then you now know who you’re really dealing with.
@@williemaxtToo fucking bad.
Saying “things were not good before” for many people is both incredibly insightful and missing a fundamental point: it also really, really matters to people who were already struggling if they live in a country with habeas corpus. It matters if they can criticize their government without being jailed! Maybe I feel this way because I have a background in Eastern European studies, but it strikes me over and over again how hypothetically even well-informed and well-meaning Americans treat authoritarianism. It’s reasonable to worry about whether or not your children will live in a country with free and fair elections, because that will profoundly affect their psyche and their quality of life, even if they have a bed to sleep in and food to eat and a loving parent. It’s not especially rational or pragmatic to take the basic building blocks of our lives for granted at this moment in time. I really respect the point about the enormous preexisting gap between many people’s theoretical rights and their practical access to those rights (in our courts, reproductive care, other health care etc.), but it’s still really REALLY bad for those rights to go away on a more fundamental level across every sector of society, and people aren’t catastrophizing or self-obsessing for thinking so. (By the way this series is the best and the vibes are immaculate, please continue it for as long as your sanity can take it lulz.)
Things were not necessarily good before, but they were better. Those two affluent white ladies need to diversify their friend group to include people who aren’t white. Then maybe they’d see how brown friends who are now scared to death to go outside and live in hiding might see the before-times when they could freely move without fear of deportation were actually fantastic times. Chelsea and what’s-her-face really lost nothing. They can freely move and leave the US to get what they need. Meanwhile, I’ve got brown friends who are being squeezed too tight just as they got to a financial financial place in life who used to be able to go outside without paperwork proving they’re citizens while knowing even that might not be enough when the administration won’t listen even to the courts.
Chelsea, I just want to say I’m constantly impressed with your insights, and I think you’re a hugely effective communicator. Love your work in this space!!!
For any relationship other than a romantic partner I would agree. But I think that letting somebody with touch your body and share intimate space with you if they have shown that they’re that careless and ignorant at best or hateful and cruel at worst is so disgusting that I would rather live in poverty than let myself be violated like that.
right?!? like why would i let someone who voted against my rights into my body like that?!?
And someone who supports forcing you to have a baby conceived in that intimate place even if you don’t want one.
THIS
Yes
@@knjparadisehere we go again
The most frustrating thing about having conversations with people who have gone down the alt-right pipeline is that the best you can do is get a “let’s agree to disagree”. Ultimately, they spend 6 hours a day consuming alt-right media, and your 30 minute conversation can’t compete with that.
Couldn’t the same be said about you from his perspective?
@@codinggrunt1295 why are you cryposting in every comments thread? go have a cup of tea
I don’t really think so, no. I am thinking about this one “debate” I had with a coworker about women hunters. I said that there is very little evidence that men evolved to hunt and women evolved to gather, and most archeologists agree that an ancient people knew how to do both regardless of gender. He said that it just made sense that men were supposed to hunt but he couldn’t really explain why. He should have just admitted I was right, but “Man, the Hunter” is so embedded in the alt-right psyche that he just couldn’t bring himself to admit he was wrong.
@@AlexHider Calling out someone’s hypocrisy is cryposting?
One of my definitions of freedom is realizing 3 weeks have gone by without having once thought about your leader.
Good for you.
The comment about anti-immigrant sentiment coming from immigrants hits hard. For the last decade of his life, my grandfather marched steadily down the right-wing path. A big thing about what he would rail against, and his stated reason for voting for Trump in 2016, was immigration and how immigrants were taking over and they didn’t speak English and blah blah blah. And I was like, “Grandpa. *You* were born in another country. *Your parents* never learned English, and you only spoke Yiddish until you started school. *Your whole family* were refugees.” And he just couldn’t seem to understand that other people might want to leave their home countries and start new lives the same way he did
I’ve got a friend whose parents came here illegally from Guatemala, got amnesty under Reagan, had a few sons, and who now support Trump. They got theirs, and letting others do the same wouldn’t feel so elite. My friend, meanwhile, votes blue because he’s not an idiot.
I’m tired of being expected to show kindness and empathy and consideration to idiots. We need to stop. Chelsea is advocating for the Overton Window to continue.
How do people think like this?
@@foggycraw6758 they don’t, that’s the real answer. They don’t relate themselves to “these other immigrants”, even thought there is precious little different about them. There is an iron curtain preventing any empathy or connection with “these undesirables” as designated by the right.
@@foggycraw6758 They forget. As an experienced caregiver to the elderly, they really do forget what drove them and their success for their lives. @raen714 – Give your grandfather a hug and remember he was once young too. Know that he just doesn’t remember anymore what it was like to be young.
I always tell people that if they’re not indigenous, they were immigrants too.
The first question really hit me hard. As a man who has gotten into fitness a little over 3 years ago, I understand how the man in this situation ended up where he did. Focusing on fitness and nutrition as a hobby, especially if it leads you to consume content on those topics, leads down the rabbit hole to solipsism. It inherently narrows focus onto the self and what the self can achieve, and it constructs the fallacy that everyone is playing the same game with the same equipment. This man erroneously thinks that the path of progress in his body is similarly applicable in his life, and that if the effort being put in towards his finances, career, etc aren’t yielding the results he expects, then something is wrong with the system and it needs to change FOR HIM. He most likely doesn’t realize or care that other people are in fact not playing the same game as him. They are working hard for even less results. They are being hindered by circumstances he can’t even fathom. But believe me, the content online surrounding the fitness space, especially those targeted towards men, do not lend themselves to charitable thinking. Every now and then, I catch myself about to take the first step onto a slippery slope towards that mindset, and I have to catch myself and ground myself in reality.
Very profound analogy.
That’s scary… I’m glad to hear you are staying away from the rabbithole though 😊
Fitness and finance videos are riddled with right-wing propaganda. It sucks, because the fitness videos are great up until they open their mouths, or you start getting right-wing ads everywhere.
thank you Chelsea for bringing up how a lot of marginalized folks can’t just sit and have reasonable conversations with Trump voters!! it is okay to cut contact with people who do not believe you have the right to exist or deserve equal rights.
Im always so grateful when Chelsea Fagan chimes in and is like *aht *aht absolutely not!
I agree 100%. I live in a super conservative area. It’s important to coexist and engage with Trump voters in my community, but it’s also NOT marginalized people’s responsibility to do so (esp. when personal safety is often at risk).
Absolutely!
You make an outstanding point Chelsea—I share the exact same observation among friends of mine who have had kids in recent years. It concerns me that they more or less turned inward, and have become almost unrecognizable in their neuroticism around raising their kids. It’s disheartening, since I think their worries are in part rooted in the lack of community and the lack of feeling safe in this world, but I’m not sure they realize that insulating themselves further only perpetuates these social maladies. Their distrust in the world around them will sadly only beget more distrust.
I was a debt collector in university while I was studying accounting and then retrained and now work as a financial counsellor in a not for profit. I hated being a debt collector but I was on the brink of homelessness that entire time so staying wasn’t exactly a free choice!! Glad I did, because I use my knowledge about the debt collection industry to help clients with strategy now.
People need to keep in mind that this is ultimately a finance podcast. Chelsea and Erin might have different advice for their friends, but from a financial standpoint they’re right to point out that divorce could be ruinous, especially if you don’t have 52 secret bank accounts.
I remember watching Two Greedy Italians an episode they’re all up on youtube if you want to watch, but what they’ve said is so true. The two stars of the show talked to a man their age; 70-80, and he told them how after WW2, his mother sat with the 4 children around the dinner table one night and said; “I’m sorry, there is nothing.” And that he and his siblings went to bed hungry. And just watching 3 wizened Italain men crying together over that story bring it home. There are kids who are going to bed hungry today in ‘Murica. More since the food programs have been DOGE’d. Somewhere in New York a mother is telling her children; “There is nothing.” Who are you gonna be America? WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BE?!