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You Contain Multitudes!
Joe Lilli
As an adult who has the exact baggage you are talking about (being raised by parents who shouldn’t have been parents, and really didn’t want to be), I agree with this video 💯.
Yuuuuup, my brother and I were raised by parents who, in my opinion, shouldn’t have had kids or should have gone through some serious therapy before they did. My brother has a debilitating fear of doing anything for fear of failing and them I guess rising from the dead to scream at him, and I’ve been in therapy for years trying to undo things left behind. It sucks
There was an article in New York Magazine focusing on young parents and their conflicting feelings about the state of their lives after having kids. This was back in 2010, and the title of the article was “I love my children. I hate my life.” and I will remember it for the rest of my life.
That title gave me chills honestly. It’s so poignant
I remember my mother’s erstwhile comment in a moment (one of thousands) of frustration: “Babies don’t love. All babies do is NEED!” Pair that with my father’s sentiment that if he could do it all over again, he would have had a vasectomy first. Yep, I got the message loud and clear that kids are unrepentant life destroyers for people whose only other bond was a high libido and a dismissive attitude toward contraception.
OOF. that’s a hard thing to hear from one’s parent, even if only in moments of frustration.
That sucks big time. I’m sorry that happened to you.
As a parent who very much wanted to have children I have had to come to terms with my children not planning on having children. It’s their life, not mine. And as you say there are many ways I can have children in my life that is good for everyone involved.
What thing on earth is for EVERYBODY? It’s kinda weird that people A. Cannot think beyond their own experiences B. Cannot empathize with people who don’t feel like them and C. Fail to understand the complexity of parenting and that 2 (or more) things can be true at the same time. I don’t know WHERE I’d be without my daughter in my life AND I understand those who regret or choose not to have children. I wish wounded people would stop projecting onto others.
As I’ve heard one person say, it’s better to regret not having them than to regret having them. Though being 44 now, I stopped regretting even not having any a few years ago, especially now that it’s out of my hands and it’s more difficult for me to have any anyways now
The fact is that even in the best case scenario, having kids is hella hard and not worth it to everyone. I have a friend who’s literally paying more for childcare than his monthly house payment, only for his 3 month old to spend the last month intubated in the hospital, fighting 3 different viruses (rhino, og corona, and something else).
Oh holy hell what a nightmare 😮
Oh my god that poor baby. And parents! I hope they all heal from this well as they can 🫂
@ and the thing is, kids are gonna get sick, right? But to literally pay a mortgage payment’s worth for them to get sick! It’s unreal 🤯
Having kids should be exactly like choosing a partner: if it isn’t a “Hell yes!” it’s a no. If you’re a fence sitter, you should not have children.
I don’t think they should be considered quite the same. One is welcoming a grown adult into your life that you could more easily leave if they’re not the right fit for you. This should definitely be a “hell yes.” But having kids is an immense commitment and way more complicated than an adult relationship. You can’t just leave. I think people who think very carefully about that choice are likely to be more responsible parents, and it’s okay to not say “hell yes” upfront at the thought of having kids
@@syd1066 I wish more people were more careful about choosing their partners actually. Leaving them is not so great, so smooth, or so easy either. Abuse and murd3r could happen too.
There are people who are not allowed to move too far away from their ex if they share a child. So the ex can visit the child. So no, just breaking up with a partner is not that easy and can affect you or entrap you for years.
Watch Kavernacle on the problems with tradwives.
I will never understand people who have very strong opinions on other people’s lives.
I grew up and still live in Western society, but it always seemed so strange to me that people view having kids as the “default”, where parenthood is actually the option. Like she said, you can choose it or not, in a myriad of ways and configurations. But you don’t really have to try that hard to be child-free.
Yes! Also, loving your children unconditionally and regretting having children are two feelings that can and will absolutely coexist
I dont know why people are so set on convincing every woman in the world they want kids? Why do they care? Its not their life
Trust and believe, these people,
as represented by a certain billionaire recently giving a certain salute,
are only interested in the fertility and reproduction of a CERTAIN demographic.
Seems more like they might be some of those parents that regret their decision but cannot or will not engage with those feelings so they try to convince everyone and themselves that they’re actually happy and you should be too!
The mentality in the original video just fosters unhappy homes and abuse, how do they not see that? And yet they claim to love children?
Ugh. So much you could say about this and I hope you make additional content! I love being a mother—I was a fence sitter and this gamble worked out for me—but we make motherhood SO HARD (so much harder than it needs to be) when we strip personhood from women who have children. It starts innocuously with the tongue in cheek memes/jokes about no sleep, mum brain, mum bod, and ends with us being dismissed as sexless, irrelevant vessels. … just as a start lol
The stitches are off due to cowardice is such a good read I love you 😂❤
Year’s ago columnist Ann Landers ask her readers, would you have your children if you could do it all over again? Over 60% of responders said no l wouldn’t. If you don’t want kid’s don’t have them. If you only want one child, don’t feel guilty having only one child, do what is best for you.
I call them FOMO-Children.
I really like my child-free life. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie about people with kids and think, “Oh, that looks nice. Maybe I missed out on something.” But then it occurs to me that I’ve never thought that after seeing a real person with their kids. I’m not wistful for parenthood. I’m slightly envious of wealthy characters who are parenting in a movie.
I was a nanny for 5 years. That was enough for me 😊