Work Sucks, Put On An Apron
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Welcome to our August 2024 video essay, all about the rise of tradwife culture on social media, why it's garnered such a wide audience of women, and the false promises it makes us.
Special thanks to:
Special guest Ashley, former tradwife and current law student
Franchesca Ramsey:
Source links:
00:00:00 Intro
00:05:25 Ad break
00:08:35 Tradwives: The Backlash To “Having It All”
00:16:45 (Un)fair Play
00:30:40 But who is this for?
00:43:51 Ballerina Farm & Cosplaying Agriculture
00:51:15 The Church of Latter-day Capitalism
00:01:30 Conclusion
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IM SO EXCITED TO HEAR YOU SPEAK ON THIS!!! ITS WHAT WE NEED!!!!
😀
Wow, can’t believe I am catching you live. I am a 50+ woman and really appreciate your insights, tone and style!!
Thank you!!
Same here I also a 50+ woman.
Your chanal is the only Chantal I am a member of
I remember a study a while back that showed women negotiated lower work hours and flexibility and were dinged by their employers. Meanwhile men didn’t ask permission, they just left early when they needed and were praised as being good dads for leaving early to pick up their kids. Women are so screwed STILL by this system.
Society: pushes wifehood and mother roles on AFAB/women strongly. Degrades childless women.
Also society: penalizes women for motherhood in many, many ways.
Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.
This! I had a colleague who would just leave at any hour during the day for some kid-related thing, and everyone applauded him for it. He barely did any work, and expected all the women in the office to pick up his slack, even giving orders to seniors and women who also had kids. He completely got away with it, because he was seen as “a great dad” and in the end it was yet again women who had to do more labor.
… You literally just proved how women are screwed by their own choices, the men just left and didn’t listen, maybe you should try it to 😂
I would love a video about how to have “hard conversations” with your partner.
I was going to make a joke, but obviously it’s a good topic. It describes about half of all Dear Abby type columns and half the divorces.
Seconding this.
17:38 this “un-fair” play segment seems very influenced by the work of fair play , it’s book and the card game by Eve 19:48
I’d literally never agree to depend on a man with no income of my own. I’ve seen so many bad cases in my life of that happening
I like the ability to buy things without needing to ask for access to cash or a card, so I too could never see myself being reliant on another person. While I do feel major purchases (and this definition needs to talked over to determine what that means for each couple) should be discussed beforehand, I don’t want to need permission to buy myself a fun hobby item, for example, or some cheap tech (I usually stick to the $100 to $200 range for things like headphones).
I’m the same way, me and my man have separate bank accounts (ofcourse we split our loans etc., we own our house 50/50) and I love to have my own money. That brings security to me.
To me, that thinking sounds like the other side of the coin to men who say “I’d never marry a woman. Imagine being with someone for 20 years and any day they can decide to leave you and take half your stuff. I’m not going to leave myself so vulnerable.” Both are risks that you don’t have to take, but many people choose to take that risk because they trust their partner. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t, but for some people it’s the right choice.
@@fabsmaster5309 I would say the difference in both those cases is that in the former, a woman depending on her husband financially for many years (either to be a SAHM or otherwise) would mean that she has been out of the workforce, therefore negatively impacting her chances of re-entering it years or decades later because she has fewer years of experience, fewer opportunities to hone her expertise, skills, etc. In the latter situation however, if a man goes through a divorce, this does not impact his ability to earn or continue to earn highly because he has been working throughout the duration of the marriage. In other words, the impact of a woman relying on a man for marriage and a man having half his stuff given away in a divorce does not carry equal impact for both genders.
If you’re married don’t you by defintion earn 50% (or more) of anything your spouse earns when you’re being a stay-at-home-spouse in the worst case scenario of a divorce though? I guess you can’t count on the courts to do that? But yes if you’re not married then you should never be 100% dependent on someone else for financial security. And everyone married or no should have their own credit and money in their own name too.
i was drawn to your comment near the end. With the next generations so far removed from the reason women (and some men) moved into activism for the most basic of rights, time is providing a false context: that we couldn’t move back into that world again. It’s like the creepy feeling you got when watching the Handmaid’s Tale, and then realize that pieces of what you see as exaggerated fiction actually hold a light to some of what is evolving today. Great discussion.
You know what i hate about handmaids tale? They make it seem like this is some dystopian universe instead of the reality of what actually happened to all women of color during colonialism in 100s of countries and the reality of every slave woman during chattel slavery. It’s probably the most tone deaf thing ive ever seen.
@@lalittlHave you read the book? You also might like to read any commentary by Margaret Atwood about the influences that went into the writing of the book. It’s basically an amalgam of all sorts of historical events and customs from around the world, for example, the stoning of social and sexual transgressors.
Yes. One thing that has always made me angry is when people, especially women, don’t want to exercise their right to vote. Our female ancestors fought so hard for you to have the right to vote!
@@GeeEee75 no i haven’t read the book. As I said, the lack of representation of women of color (whose ancestors actually experienced this less than 200 yrs ago) in the tv version was nauseating enough.
Margaret Atwood has said in interviews that everything in The Handmaid’s Tale was inspired by something that had already happened in the world. And she published the book in the mid 1980’s.
Work isn’t something that will 100% save you. Productivity and labor aren’t the be-all end-all of everything (it can be a capitalist mindset).
But neither are the “traditional” roles of wife and mother.
Either can be a valid path if done for the right reasons (not because of societal/religious pressure), with the right mindset (not being naive about how hard it is), with the right person, and with awareness of what works for YOU.
The popularity of “Trad Wife” media is just showing how far the Overton window has shifted to the right. We’ve forgotten all of the lessons learned from the not-so-distant past whether it be the need for two income households due to potential for economic instability or the dangers of women being nearly completely reliant on their partner for financial stability including the erosion of rights for women as a whole (as we are seeing happen in real time in the US).
Many women seemed to miss that the critique of the #Girlboss was about women replicating harmful hypercapitalistic and exploitative behaviors in leadership, not of the idea of women participating in the work force or being in leadership roles in and of itself. I don’t know how the response to working women having to take on a disproportionate amount of childcare, housework, and emotional labor became for women to embrace this “1950’s housewife” archetype that was never a reality for women, versus demanding that men step up and that society better accommodate the needs of women and families.
My biggest gripe is that the Trad Wife lifestyle as advertised is not feasible or realistic for 95% of women, and young girls and women are being sold this as attainable when they’d be better served focusing on more practical ways to improve their life (self improvement, education, etc.) and learning how to stand on their own before finding a partner.
I was a little bit scared when the woman who was formerly Morman said that she “started her own business” because in ghe Morman community especially, that’s usually code for “I joined an MLM”. So, SO happy that wasn’t the case! I’m wishing her all the best and success with her actual business!
Did you finish? Sounds like she’s now in law school, not focusing on teaching music (though perhaps she’s continuing this on the side).
Unfortunately many mormon women are pushed into leaving their jobs and being sahm. Quoting the proclamation on the family and sexist views from protestant religions background baked in. It’s also a hold over from the backlash of the civil rights movement and feminist movements. The church leadership of mormons wanted to make sure there were no latchkey kids as well as separate but equal gender norms. Forgetting the fact that many single moms needed to work and heaping guilt and depression on many women’s heads for the next 3 decades.
The thing is… not everyone should be a parent and society doesn’t talk about that enough. Being aware of oneself to the extent that one can acknowledge they are not equipped to forego their personal needs and shift the priority to a tiny being should be CELEBRATED and not criticized.
I think many childless adult could easily be good parents, but they may see the economical burden, the lack of support by family and community, the demanding and harsh increasingly toxic environment children might need to grow up in. For some people it seems kinder to never birth the wanted children. Not to mention that the state loves to use young men and women to fend for power in wars….
Ppl who find kids annoying, noisy, and burden should not have them. True crime is full of horrible parent’s stories.
@carrino15 such ppl need support along with families
@@Erintii I’d like to clarify tho: kids inherently *are* sometimes noisy, annoying and burdensome in the sense that raising them demands a lot from parents. Whoever is not prepared for that will eventually run into issues. It’s not always sunshine and flowers being a parent, and you need the emotional stability to love and care for your children even during the more challenging moments of their upbringing.
@@Erintiiyour kids aren’t noisy?
To me its a terrifying notion to imagine a life where my financial security depends on whether my husband a) stays healthy and able to earn money b) finds me sexy, loveable and worthwhile.
In the modern economy, crossing your fingers and hoping the above works out is NOT a financial plan.
Im not saying women have to all become corporate girlbosses in order to be secure. But unless you are already independently wealthy, having a means to support yourself is a must.
Its all well and good to he a pretty 25 year old mum of little children. But i want to check back in with these tradwives at 55, when the kids are independent, and they are completely economicly helpless, as they approach their more vulnerable older years with a man as their only safety net.
My mother hates this trad wife phenomenon. She was a working woman who always enforced the idea that you need to be self-sufficient.
As a kid, chores were done by everybody. Both my parents worked because everyone needed to step up to make the household run.
As a man, I don’t view household work as “women’s” work. It’s just work. Everyone needs to be able to do it, or they are considered worthless.
As a partner, I don’t want to be the sole breadwinner. I don’t want that entire responsibility. A lot of boys think that having the man be the only worker is good. It isn’t. The entire financial success or failure of the family is on you. If your family goes hungry, has utilities shut off, or becomes destitute, it’s your fault as the sole breadwinner. The men who lived this, they will tell you that your money isn’t yours. It’s the families’ money. Your wants and needs only get addressed after the children and partner. Also, in a subtle and terrifying way, your family only sees you as the person with money, which makes your position transactional.
Two people working and sharing responsibilities ensures that both of them have more time for leisure and personal human flourishing.
My mom was the same, and made sure my brothers and I all knew how to do some basic things in the kitchen AND yard work. I now have girl/boy twins (teenagers) and feel so strongly about that last line of your comment – I don’t want either of them to have to contend with being judged for not being “enough” (homemaker/mother or breadwinner). When responsibilities are truly shared, it takes the weight off of both individuals.
Let’s not pretend that tradwives are what men want. It’s what the patriarchy wants.
This. This so freaking hard.
This, I think asking a person, man or woman, to be the sole breadwinner of a family is putting them under terrible pressure. What if they are unhappy in their job? What if something unexpected happens to them?
Especially if, in order to make up for only having one income, that person has to work 10-12 hours a day (this seems to be very common in American households with SAHMs), thus robbing them of spending quality time with the children and putting their future health at risk.
@AkiUtada This concept was brought to my attention from a 2017 interview on Chapo Trap House. An Irish writer was saying how she grew in a patriarchal society and mocked the alt right for assuming patriarchal meant the man is in charge. The man had the money, but the man had to work 12 to 16 hours of backbreaking labor. They never got to see their children and died in their 50s. It was brutal, austere, and short.
It could also explain why a lot of men engaged in destructive habits and addictions. They may have been the only acceptable outlets, but they destroyed the men in the process.
In case Ashley sees this : I cannot fathom what it took to get where you are. Your children have an amazing mom and I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic lawyer with that kind of work ethic.
I’m in my 50s and became a member recently. I watched the video on no one being able to afford children anymore and thought (and may have commented on) how we needed to talk about how politicians have now taken to attacking the “child-free cat ladies”. And here you are, having the discussion about that, and so much more. Thanks, Chelsea.
The law student gave the best advice – go into a relationship, any relationship, with eyes wide open. Trad wife or girl boss, children or no children, stay at home mom or working couple, whatever . . . it’s all good. The information you need to plan your life is there for you. You or you and your spouse are ultimately responsible for your education and choices and responsible for the consequences. There will be successes and failures. That’s just how life is . . .
Ashley’s story is both inspiring and heartbreaking. I don’t think I even understand the level of resilience that it took to start over from scratch after a divorce with two kids to care for.
And in a society that looks down on divorce because it goes against religious morals 😢
Just got to love religious guilt!
My mom is a tradwife, but she had kids in her 30s, with ~15 years of work experience. Her and dad have been married for almost 40 years now.
You can say it worked out for her, but from the earliest age, my mom was drilling into me that I need to work, I need to be financially independent, and I need to hold on to my employment.
My mom inherited the apartment we lived in, and my dad was never registered there. She always put away money and, as a result, always had substantial savings.
This tradwife trend is so weird to me. I’m in my thirties and never have I met a girl who wanted to be a SAHM. None of my classmates did and it wasn’t a big or anything deal for anyone. It was just implied and accepted that we were all in school to later get a job and have a career. Never heard a boy or man say otherwise either. And while I’m glad that the work of SAHM is being discussed and truly valued for the first time since I remember, it’s worrisome that young women can’t seem to grasp WHY we were primed to seek a career in the first place: because our mothers and grandmothers lived that and didn’t want that life for us. Because we heard stories of women in our lives who suffered abuse and couldn’t get out because they had no resources. Because financial dependence is a very dangerous thing in this world – that always seemed common sense to me.
And I was born and raised in a working class environment. None of the women I knew were SAHMs, that was just never a reality for the vast majority of women. They all worked, they all earned a LOT less than their husbands, and all their money was spent on the household. and the family.
And lastly: I find it infuriating that for all the whining of these tradlife cosplayers about how they’re so attacked by the feminists, it is the feminists and progressive movements that are fighting to make domestic and care work recognized and protected under the law.
When I was much younger, my mother told me that a good woman should both excel at her job and take good care of her husband and children. I replied, “That sounds like a lot of work. Now I’m happily childless and live with a beautiful cat.
If not having children means you don’t have a stake in the country ….. I shouldn’t have to pay taxes.
Taxes are theft
Without context, i agree with your statement.
I believe that the reason why some people don’t want our future leaders to be childless is because they believe that those leaders will care less about the future of the country that our future generations will inherit. These childless leaders will instead profit in the short-term at the expense of our economy in the long-term.
I hate having to pay as much taxes as we currently have to, but mostly because of how wasteful, inefficient, and corrupt the government is. However, even though I do not have kids right now, it does make sense to pay taxes to at least maintain public services.