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Joe Lilli
as much as I want to be a stay at home mother someday, I also understand it’s pretty unreasonable to expect a man to be the sole income in a world like this. it’s a minority of couples who have the privilege to do this. It would be lovely if my future husband could provide enough for me to stay home, but I honestly can’t expect that at this point.
I imagine there’s a lot of guys out there who would like this too, as stay at home dad’s. I’d also feel so guilty for putting that on my partner and them getting burned out, sick, or feeling inadequate for not being able to support us. It can lead to a lot of resentment, and I couldn’t do that to someone I loved.
We make it work on 60k in Western Washington. But I’m doing a lot to stretch the dollars, not just coasting on the couch.
@@priestesslucy3299 ⬆️ This!!
Some families make it on one very meager wage. The wife may have to cook all homemade meals, bake bread, can their own food. You know, like our foremothers did.
You can achieve anything if it’s important to you. For some, staying at home is that important.
I know a stay at home wife, and i can say that although her husband is the only income earner, that is not all that he is valued for. He helps around the house wherever she needs him, he’s there for the kids as a father, and he takes the lead in making big decisions, but never without discussing them with his wife. They make investing decisions together as well. Its unfortunate that people not in these relationships seem to think that those husbands are only being valued for the things they can provide. Mature people in any relationship would make sure they both feel loved, provided for according to their needs, not just financially, and valued for everything they lovingly contribute to the relationship. It is pretty rare though, for a couple to be able to make it on one income.
No offence,but how do you know these minor details exactly?
Good for her. Only time will tell if what she is saying is true. I personally would not remove myself from the workforce even if all of my bills were paid by someone else. Many women who were trad wives are speaking out and it’s because it does not work long term for many people. These women have 20+ year career gaps. I hope this woman is the exception but chances are she is the rule.
Exactly, someone paying your bills is a temporary solution. If you can’t save your own money (and invest it) you and your children have no safety net. And trying to enter the workforce again with a 20+ years gap, in this economy, is extremely difficult (almost impossible in some countriues).
We are investing our money. We’re on track to retire him by 60. If he dies before retirement, he has a life insurance policy, between that and the investments, I’ll be fine.
Not afraid of a work gap because my career is here at home, not in the job market.
@@priestesslucy3299 I think that’s how it should be done (idk if you have your personal bank account but I guess so). Unfortunately many couples don’t want to think about the future in advance because it feels pessimistic, and this applies to couples where both have a career outside the house too. In my country I see that too many people consider talking about money in a couple as a lack of trust in your partner, but it’s a very important discussion in any kind of partnership.
@@priestesslucy3299congrats on having investments and life insurance. Btw working at home is not a career just so you know, words have definitions.
@@priestesslucy3299happy for you but that’s not what a career means.
I’m only a “trad wife” because I’m chronically ill and don’t have the ability to work right now (if ever in the future). A lot of my friends who are also chronically ill are also “trad wives” because we feel like it’s important to do SOMETHING. I bake fresh bread, make homemade meals, clean etc because that’s all I can do, I don’t have the ability to work a “normal” job. My husband luckily is a good man who makes decent enough money for us to have a life. Every time I tell people that I’m a stay at home wife a lot of women say “I wished I could do that” and it’s so hard to get the courage to tell them that one of the negatives of being a trad wife for me is the pain and days I can’t get out of bed to do things. There’s just no discussion/space about being less than a perfect and idealized trad wife.
i don’t like how tradwife is replacing the much more neutral stay at home mom term and centering the labour you do (unpaid but still labour!) around the man rather than the home in general. and i feel like a lot of women in your situation are def not comfortable with that word. i’m wishing you pain free day <3
@@slena why do you keep insisting this is the same as being a stay at home mom???
True I think theres a big difference between the two. I think a stay at home mom might be still payinf bills and having a say in all the major decisions financial and otherwise in the house. A tradwife to me would submit totally to her husband and probably doesn’t even know what bills they have or how much they even are.@Lau3464l
@@slenashe said stay at home wife. Aka housewife. Not all of us are stay at home moms
The #tradwife life is to make money. Just another lifestyle trend to sell systems, products, services. On a higher pay scale, think basketball wives and the like.
All of this is optional so it doesn’t hurt anymore . Partner with someone who wants the same lifestyle as you .
If a couple can swing this arrangement…awesome. Most can’t anymore and to some degree it’s because we’ve turned parenting, all the way from maternity time to paying for the kids future weddings into another consumeristic exercise.
Consumerism is a choice. A valid one if you want to buy into it, but I don’t 😂
@priestesslucy3299 It IS a choice, but in a lot of aspects of our lives, it still affects the pocketbooks of those of us who try to opt out of it as much as possible. People who are shopping for homes are finding this out the hard way.
Exactly 👏
What the heck makes you think that the husband is *only* valued for the money he makes? That’s quite the strawman you’ve constructed.
Why pass judgement on how another couple decides to divvy up their workload? Being an “equal” partner doesn’t require doing 50% of every individual task.
Being a stay at home mom (aka tradwife) is fine if you have young children and can afford to do so. But I find bragging about it on the internet tacky. I don’t really understand the point. I get that you may be bored, or see it as a potential side hustle, but its disrespectful to moms that choose, or need to work outside the home.
There’s an overlap, yes, but not all SAHMs are trad wives and not all trad wives are moms.
Many of us who brag are probably doing it in an effort to counter the very loud voices in female spaces shouting down our way of life.
Sounds like you’re projecting.
I will never understand people’s strange obsession of giving their opinion on how other people choose to live their lives. Their life choices have absolutely no impact on your life choices.
She’s commenting on the broad ideology not the people themselves. Where does the projection come from?
@@Fredwilson45 she thinks the only value men bring is money and frames it as what “society” thinks
The part that doesn’t get talked about enough is how, for the small minority of men who are even able to financially support this kind of lifestyle, they’re often doing it as a method of control and ownership, not out of actual love and care for their families. The levels of abuse that run rampant in these kinds of households behind the scenes get erased from the narrative these influencers are trying to sell. Not only is it wildly unethical, but also reckless and dangerous.
BAM! Scream it from the mountains. I got out of a situation like this and now I try to warn girls. My mother has been in this situation since she was 15. I thought it was just my dad but I was wrong. I had to decide quickly to get out while I could. My daughter will know the truth
the ballerina farm article was a huge eye opener for me in that aspect
I’m only 45 y/o and tired of acronyms/hashtags & etc slang doing tricks on my mind…it took me a minute to realize this is short for traditional wife?…so this soft life lifestyle for everyone on Tiktok got people really thinking this is realistic for all😂
THANK YOU FOR SAYIN THAT
I feel like the traffics lifestyle is predicated on the “tradition” of the male breadwinner so, what she is laying out as a negative is just considered a positive to those who desire this division of labor. Idk haha but I feel like many men take pride in supporting their family
My partner has said I can stay at home with our children, but I have chosen not to. I love him and dont see our relationship ending but kept my job (part-time) to offer me financial independence. I hate the idea of him paying for his birthday present. He also doesn’t moan when i need help in the house. Plus with less days when the children are in school and I am home we spend less. Exra income plus less spend will mean we both can retire earlier and spend more on family time (holidays etc).
We live in a country where your value as a human is measured by your bank account. The very concept of this is harming everyone! Stay at home moms have no value, otherwise social security would have allowances for SAHMs, she would get a pension for her work, she would have healthcare! As it is, the majority of people under the poverty line are elderly women. When a man decides to dump his wife for a newer model, many women no marketable skills, no money, nothing to fall back on, no future and no retirement. Stay at home moms are treated horribly.
What bothers me about all this is how often people don’t know or don’t remember that even back then, many women still had to work. Being a stay at home wife has always been a luxury that those with lower income could never afford. It’s just another thing those with higher income rub in our faces.
I’ve been a housewife for 12 years. Yes, my husband makes the money but he leaves all the finances to be because of the experience I have from my previous career. He credits me for what we have because of the financial decisions I’ve made. Housewives add a great deal of value to their home and families and men get a great deal of satisfaction from providing the income. This is the thing – if you want a traditional life you need to pick the right partner you can trust with your life. The people criticizing this lifestyle are doing so based on their own bad experiences that they alone are responsible for because they pick the wrong partner and Jake wrong decisions in their own lives. Period.