Divorce ≠ Failure
Marrying the wrong man is one of the most expensive mistakes a woman can make. Our next video essay drops May 27th. Watch it on YouTube or via the link in bio.
#FinancialFeminism #MarriageAndMoney #TheCostOfLove #WomenAndWealth #DivorceIsExpensive #EmotionalLabor #FinancialIndependence #ModernMarriage #divorce #singlemom #singlemother
40, 50 & 60 have never looked so good, I love that they’re sharing and making these ages so accessible for us, and that they’re sharing their wisdom to give us perspective without judgement.
Could you recommend some of those channels of older women you follow? Thank you
I was gonna ask the same.
Love this video! Society as a whole loves to guilt woman or make them feel like a failure. I’m divorced and filed first, but I was the only one making the effort in our marriage years before lawyers got involved. The saddest thing was I had to go to divorce parent classes and be told how less successful my children would be due to divorce and how I would fall into poverty. I cried because I didn’t want to hurt my children but I also wasn’t able to show them a healthy, loving relationship and be my best self.
What state made you go to divorce classes?
@ Massachusetts. Co-parenting education course.
@@robinpst4935Oh that’s awful. I thought they were more progressive than that!
The fact that people will label divorced women as having a failed marriage but less reflexively with men is also so telling of the default being that the women in marriages are often on the backfoot in terms of not just assets but stability because of diminished earning power and so on
Married at 21 due to pressure from having a baby. Then divorced 5 years later. He never stopped doing drugs or getting drunk. I felt shame for leaving but that was a fleeting feeling. Now I’m financially independent and happily married to a man who wholeheartedly cares about my and my child’s overall wellbeing. Staying would have been the ultimate disservice to myself and my child.
Yall left him over two hobbies that’s crazy.
@@LonghouseBurner333A hobby that’s a cope and keeps you from being engaged and present as a father and costs an exorbitant amount of money isn’t a “hobby” a decent husband has. Let alone a good one
I remember you mentioning many moons ago your algorithmic hack of only following content creators 50 and older – it always stuck with me but I never was convinced enough to make the leap. Now that you’ve mentioned it again, I might just have to really do it this time. The example at the beginning of the 20 year old pining for anti-aging really got me good. Social media has gone insane.
Social pressure. Ugh. Not in the USA. My aunt and cousin refused to invite me to his wedding because I got a divorce. But his bride was also a divorcee. Make it make sense.
As a 64yr old woman who stayed many years too long in a terrible marriage, I applaud this message.
In all other areas of life, when we realize we’ve made a serious mistake, we are much likely to course correct as soon as we are able. Yet, when it comes to relationships, we are taught that we must do everything possible to make them work, and that we have failed if they don’t.
Chelsey I am 58 and follow your channel. I got divorced at age 50. Had to start a new career at age 50 and figure out how to support myself. I have never been happier or more free. I have not failed I have succeeded.
Congrats! I wish you just hapiness and sucessfull in your new life🙏🙏
🎉😊🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Same, congratulations on your independence and freedom❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
This made me tear up!! I’m so so happy for you!!!🎉🎉
Like Hank Green aging into “The Internet’s Uncle,” you’re defining “The Internet’s Big Sister” – hip, smart, worldly, and takes no 💩. 🙌
Or the smart, wise, and successful older cousin 😁🙌🏽🙌🏽
Oof… my therapist is on me about a sunk cost ‘marriage’ ten years in, no kids thank goodness, but… oof.
I was just talking to my SIL and told her how she deserves better.
I’ve worked at an adult toy store for almost 15 years. There have been at least 100 newly divorced women that have come in to get a toy for themselves because they haven’t had an orgasm in ever-50 years and they are trying to make up for lost time. They often come back to get more after they find out what they have been missing.
Some of the best sex ever!
My poor mom is still with my dad. She didn’t divorce him because the poor lady is uneducated, which means earning minimum wage. She couldn’t afford to get out of the marriage. Also the poor lady is a Jehovah Witness. She said she wants to stay a “Mrs” instead of a “Miss” .
And this is why I tell people that long marriages don’t impress me. Because she and many women of my culture mostly endure abvse, cheatings, disrespect from a man just to “keep” a man.
OH MY GAWD. I just walked away from that religion. I was raised in it. It is the worst. My parents didn’t believe in higher education, and it’s why my prospects in life are crap. I had to put myself though 2-year, but my parents stole my savings for the last two years of my college. It was a nightmare. The emphasis on staying married and working it out never worked in my family. EVER. What culture are you from?
Great video!!! I’m not a woman but I’m nonbinary, and this is so true. However, where I did look out on is having a great support group come into my life after my abusive ex-husband had successfully isolated me from all of my other previous friends. Once those people came into my life, they were very quick to encourage me to leave my ex and I was able to get out in less than 9 months. My advice, additionally, is to find that support group where you can. These people were 100% online, aside from seeing them annually at nerd conventions! People who think you can’t escape: YOU CAN BE FREE!!!
My Mum is now 65 and because of sunk cost and social gaslighting has given almost 40 years to a man who doesn’t deserve her and I’m so worried/saddened about her potential future because they have basically no safety net.
I decided at 25 I didn’t want to be married. Now I’m coming up on 35 and I’ve never ever ever regretted that decision.
Good for you. Same here, was going down that road in an abusive relationship. Luckily I got out. And happy I never married later.
I’ve been divorced over 15 years and I still get heat about it. Still worth it.
It’s sad that this is true so frequently, but it’s only one narrative of divorce for older women, though a loud one. I’m a walking stereotype of a mid 40’s woman who initiated a divorce, however I don’t regret the time with my ex overall. Being together over 20 years, we each learned a lot about ourselves, relationships, and we continued to evolve and change over that time. Sadly for us that evolution took us in different directions values-wise, and eventually being together ended up making us both unhappy and led to negative unhealthy behaviors – but it needed to get that bad to make it clear it was over and no amount of therapy was going to bring us back together. Anywho, I don’t regret that time with him, I don’t think he’s a horrible person, and I’m still looking forward and trying to figure out this next chapter!
This is why i never got married, because i did not want the expectation of single-handedly upholding the success of the marriage. It’s very unusual to find a man who continues to contribute emotional labor much past the dating phase. So many believe that stacking money is their only role (if they even do that).
I’m 47, I feel beautiful, I’m learning everyday, and the more i learn how to take care of myself, the more calm and creative i can be. Don’t waste your one precious life being unappreciated. Love yourself.