“Is My Broke Friend Jealous Of Me?”
Thanks to Advisor.com for sponsoring this series! Schedule a FREE consultation call with Advisor today and never make another financial decision alone! Get $500 off your first year with them by signing up through TFD. Take this short quiz to get started:
This is the second episode of our 6-part capsule series, Asked & Answered. Co-hosted by TFD founder Chelsea Fagan & Erin Lowry of Broke Millennial, this series is dedicated to answering your personal money questions, from budgeting and investing basics, to navigating the financial headlines of our current political climate.
Thanks to Erin for her expertise!
The Financial Diet site:
Facebook:
Twitter:
Instagram:
💚
💙💙💙
Ofc they are and that is a normal human emotion, you too are jealous of something/someone else for whatever reason.
You ladies are intelligent, gorgeous, and funny! 💕
Ion know how often gang and num check comments but Ya last 2 YouTube Shorts are visually corrupt and glitching
Fixed!
Another thing about wealth gap friends is that wealthy people tend to lose sympathy for us poor folk. It’s like they forget just how hard it is to be poor, and they forget that just working hard doesn’t lead to financial success for a lot of people. I’ve recently lost my oldest friendship over money and it wasn’t because she was doing well financially, it was because she developed into a very out of touch person. TFD is an exception but a lot of wealthy folks (like the person in this segment) have a condescension towards people without money and there’s this lingering implication that it’s their own fault for being poor.
The Just World Fallacy. Those with money (and health) always deserve it, so those who lack money and have ill health have either failed to earn those things, or actually deserve the hardship they face. Add The Prosperity Gospel in the U.S. (a perverse doctrine that God gives the good wealth and health, the poor and sick are therefore unrighteous and wicked.)
This is true….but it’s also hard to watch your friend make really stupid financial decisions over and over again, do nothing to even try to improve their situation, and then turn around say they are the victim of XYZ in society. They then develop resentment towards me because I didn’t do those things.
Having sympathy for this person beyond a certain point is difficult.
@Johnrl21 Society stops working when people don’t stock shelves, clean the toilets, give care, etc. Society does not see these tasks as worthy of a living wage. I worked for 15 years with developmentally disabled adults for 40 to 55 hours a week and have little to show for it. The level of scrutiny people in poverty face over their finances is unique to them, as people who are well off can make decisions to do nice things for themselves with the luxury of not over drafting their bank account or end up late on paying bills.
Do you take or ignore their advice about how get out of debt?
This friend scenario is SO relatable. I think that your suggestion to take this past the money and look at other perspectives of why this friendship is strained was very important, specifically the values portion.
Ask Mom and her estate attorney about setting up an irrevocable trust for transfer of financial interests for each of the beneficiaries of her estate.
I grew up being the poor friend and when my rich friend found out that im now making more than her, she acted super weird like she couldn’t handle it lol😊
I think it makes my best friend sad that my financial situation is more precarious than hers and i feel the need to make her understand it doesn’t bother me. I understand the circumstances that allowed for my situation to be where it is and for hers to be where it is. We have never had a similar situation financially and now that we are 10 yrs into our friendship, she seems to pity me? (Idk) or be worried about me. I appreciate this conversation. It is difficult to deal with loved ones and any feelings about money.
When it comes to wealth gap relationships, I always have the question in the back of my mind of ‘Could the wealthy person help the poor person get into a higher paid job?’. Reason being, most people who are born (or enter into a wealthy family) almost always have/get high salary jobs because of connections. Rich people know other rich people in positions of power across many industries. So, I wonder if this (now) wealthy friend just ~happened~ to switch over to the private sector to double her salary, or if her wealthy husband hooked her up somewhere. Which brings me to my initial question, could this now rich friend reach out and find connections for her poor friend to also find a job that doubles her salary? Does she have that power? Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t, but I’m always going to wonder. Is this friend pulling the ladder up behind her, or is she really powerless? 🤷
Sometimes you’re friends with people because you like them. I have a friend Iv got 2 jobs and tried for a 3rd. She is a horrible employee due to a lot of personal reasons. She is a good person and fun to be around. But for an employer…not so much 😂.
I’ve heard the money disparity question on so many advice podcasts and this is the only response that feels like it answered it with nuance and perspective. Communication is #1 but the writer definitely needs some introspection.
It’s never just about the money.
I really appreciate the mention of “do you always bring your husband” in response to the first question – wealth differences aside, even as a married person I don’t want to bring my spouse to every event, and I also don’t go to every event he’s invited to. I have one married friend that I see half solo, half on double dates, and one that I always see with their partner, and I definitely prefer the first scenario!
The only reason why I don’t have student loans is because back in the day I believed I could never finish a 4 year degree and taking out the loans felt like too much like gambling on myself. Made me feel ick.
It took me like 4-5 years to get that one associates degree I do have. I regret not having that 4 year degree, but I’m happy I never had the loans.
You’re smart. I got my associate’s degree free by working at a bank and getting tuition remission. Did the same with my bachelor’s degree. Then I worked at a university and got two masters degrees at a huge discount. You can do that too.
Yes if your friend is struggling with money and you’re not they are going to be jealous.
42:00 Chelsea coming out as pro hiding money from her spouse is really messed up. Also noticed that it’s only one way, it’s OK if she hides money but not if her spouse hides money. Very unhealthy dynamic.
As a mother of a young adult son, I would advise my son to run as fast as he can in the opposite direction of a woman like Chelsea.
As a good socialist, why don’t you give your friend half your money? You don’t need to be flying to France all the time!
I believe that separate bank accounts really are a huge part of having a harmonious marriage. Before my husband and I even got engaged we both agreed that that was something we wanted.
If your friend specifically asks you if you had help with a down payment for a house and you lied to them, then I can see how that would be gaslighting. But to just offer up that information also sort of feels like it could be a subtle brag. Your bank account and personal financial situation is nobody’s business.