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Joe Lilli
preach, bail culture sucks
Sometimes I don’t want to go to something I said I would do, but I tell myself I said I would go and need to stay for an hour and then can see how I feel after that
Same! And often it’s so worth it in the end (for me at least) ❤ and if not or if my social battery is actually super low and not just me thinking it is, my friends are usually just happy I came and don’t mind me leaving early or letting me sit in the corner with the cat 😂
From our 30’s 0 tolerance for “friends” who flake. Life is too short for meaningless relationships
I once had a party that everyone bailed on less than an hour beforehand and one 20 minutes after it already started because they just didn’t feel like it.
One happens but more than once? Don’t be surprised that you are the extra add-on if someone else cancels or not top priority for an invitation.
Sometimes, friends will have to work. Friends will get a phone call telling them their MD moved up their surgery. Friends will burn out or get depressed and can’t do social events. And sometimes, friends aren’t yet ready to tell you about those things.
And sometimes, a person you invite to a party is a known abuser to others, and friends who do not want you to know need a safe way of canceling.
Yes, some people flake on friends the way Tinder dates do. But the threat of losing an entire social group because sometimes life happens is a stress no one needs. The solution I’ve found is potlucks with no dress code and only a suggested arrival time! Less stress on the hosts, everyone brings a little something that brings them joy.
Take care of one another and be kind! Don’t all cancel on a host last-minute like what happens to this poor lady — and if you have to, tell them why and apologize!
This isn’t one person with an emergency. This is several people. Yes, one or two of those people might have had an emergency. If you’re feeling guilty about something, maybe you should examine that.
Exactly 💯👏
Introvert with adhd and MH issues… Yeah. I sort if hunker down when I know I won’t be able to attend. Because a lot of people will try to bring me out, but that only happens when I’m ready. Usually requires that I cut out responsibilities so I can focus on my health, which improves my adhd symptoms, which helps me be ready when someone invites me. My first response to invites is “I’m already doing something that month”. Because it’s a lot of work to be able to add a social gathering to my life.
i think this is more for folks who say they will go and then bail the very last minute. Communicating that you cant go in advance is nothing to be ashamed of.
@@arex9000 Exactly. You can’t bail if you don’t commit
I totally agree with this, i have no time for friends who bail constantly.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I think there is a difference between people who “flake” and people who are genuinely struggling. Friends that you know have chronic illness, friends who are dealing with depression/anxiety, may be more likely to cancel last minute on plans. The difference is communication – are you a safe enough person for your friend to admit that they are struggling and can’t come? And are they at a place where they can admit to that? Yes, people who bail out and don’t try to put effort into a relationship are people that probably don’t belong in your inner circle, but keep an eye out too for the people who may be struggling more than you see.
This has happened to me so many times. I blame nice things for my birthday and make it clear I cannot cancel the reservation and people the day before cancel. The most painful was my 30th birthday because I was told by one of my closest friends I had no right to be upset because it was expensive even though I covered everything. Some had actual reasons but others just didn’t care.
If i cant go to an event, i tell them within 24 hours of being invited. This is because of other commitments or if money is involved Ill tell them im saving. That being said, people who cancel last minute because they dont want to are the worst. I put together a wicked theme party and had 11 people that were going. The tuesday before i put in the event, if you can no longer go please let me know by Wednesday and even reached out to folks who didnt see it. Still had people who flaked an hour before the party. =.=
I drove 2 hours both directions on questionable roads to see my nephew early for his birthday since I already had plans for the event day itself (and the roads ended up being even worse the actual day of so it was a very good call ultimately). Did I want to do that? No not really – but I know it is very important to his parents for people to show up for their son. Being in relationship with people is to be mildly to moderately inconvenienced sometimes and learning to say I will do this for you is vital to maintaining connections.
If you have to hurt someone else to do it, it ain’t “self care.” That’s literally the opposite of self care. Sounds like it might even have been coordinated, because people are kinda horrible rn.
I once had a birthday party -an expensive cray fish party – where 3 out of 8 people the same morning with lame excuses cancelled. However the remaining guests were extremely happy that they got half a kilo (!) of crayfish each to eat, and the party turned out a great success because of this😅! Never invited the other ones again😊!
Yes! So much this!
I lost an entire group of friends over MY WEDDING. There was one person my husband and I were not comfortable with, and when I told them that I was not inviting her, they all dropped me, and they were very nasty about it.
I have also had many friends just ghost on our friendship without telling me why it even if there was a problem!
These days, I’m very ambivalent about making new friends because of these party incidents now, and we are very selective on who we invite to anything we do.
Im a terrible texter, and have a bad habit of not texting back for months at a time if it’s not urgent, but one thing I can say about myself is that I’ve never bailed on anything that I’ve committed to.