We’re holding your hand as we say this, bookies: Love is not a financial plan 🤍❤️
Marriage should be a partnership, not a paycheck dependency. Yet so many women are left out of—or unknowingly opt out of—important conversations about household finances.
Being in the know doesn’t just protect you; it empowers you to fully choose your partnership, instead of feeling tied to it out of necessity.
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Thank you❤everyone woman needs to know how to make their own money and have their own money. The man can leave whenever he wants, then what?
Your life can be turned upside-down at any moment. You can have the best, most stable, loving relationship in the world but if you’re a SAHW and something happens to your partner…you’re gonna be screwed if you don’t have any money or contingency plan. My mother had to start over in her 40s, with only a HS education, after being a SAHM (she pulled it off in the end, but our family literally lived in one room when she was starting out) and that was 25 years ago. It’s way harder now.
This is what I came here to say. Women need to know this stuff not just in case they have to leave the relationship suddenly but if something happens to their life partner. My husband is working on his “bus book” for me now with all the details about his retirement investments and his account (not our joint accounts) so that I don’t have to fight for that information while grieving if he suddenly passes away.
Sorry, can you explain to me what’s SAHW and SAHM??
@nenisguevaragomez8122 stay-at-home wife and stay-at-home mother
@lucyann1573 thanks.
@@NicoleP278 that’s an excellent idea. It shows the level of respect y’all have for each other to be able to discuss these things and make a plan just in case. This is something that should be a given in marriages/relationships. As we see all the time, though, it seems a lot of ppl don’t treat their relationship like the partnership it is. Hell, a lot of ppl don’t even seem to like their spouses or care about their wellbeing. It’s so weird because…if you don’t feel secure in bringing your spouse into these aspects of your life, why in the hell did you marry them? Sorry for the rant I just GENUINELY don’t understand how someone would desire that kind of relationship. Personally, I’d rather die alone than be with someone who treats me like an outsider
Yes! These issues are so nuanced and so many people online are no nuance nellies.
THIS. I’ve been single for a few years, but with so many women stuck in abusive relationships, or just unhappy-the peace of mind of having ones own funds is crucial. I’m a mother of three, and I literally am teaching them all of this. While I personally don’t plan on dating anytime soon, this is how I plan on carrying myself in that scenario.
When I worked at an elder law firm we’d have clients that were recent widows that had zero knowledge of their finances. Instead of focusing on grieving their lose and spending time with family, they were scrambling to locate and access their husbands assets to keep themselves afloat
I’ve had several family members who, when their partner gets severely ill, would literally starve without extended family because they don’t know where the accounts are and how to pay the bills
this is what happened to my grandma
I think it’s so important for all parties to know about the household finances. I know we don’t hear about it as often, but there are plenty of couples where one person does all the “life admin” and the other is blissfully unaware of the nitty gritty (quintessential) details
Yes! I’d expand it to household chores as well, even if one partner takes up the lion’s share of them, the other should have at least a passive knowledge of what to do. Because there are plenty of situations where that person is unavailable, if it’s a man who does most of the cooking, but he leaves on a business trip, his partner should have at least some basic understanding on how to put food on the table. If a woman does most laundry, her partner should at least know how to operate the washing machine in case she falls ill. I’ve seen too many people, both male and female, be completely helpless when they lose their partner, even just temporarily.
I think modern society’s notion of what love looks like is poisoning this conversation. It seems like a lot of people think being “loved” or being “taken care of” completely absolves them of the responsability of managing their own lives…
“Taken care of” turned into “taken hostage” in too many situations
Omg, so true! I’ve seen it happen a few times.
Trad wives getting dumped for a newer model with no resources or job skills are a good example.
“You’re just jealous!” is such a wild response to “you should have a general knowledge of where the money that feeds you is.”
Right? You’d think being an adult is some kind of abuse and some of these women are mothers!
People who are in relationships like that usually prefer to deflect and keep the blinders on
It’s not just abuse or death that could incapacitate your partner or yourself. Maybe someone has to fly home to take care of family and can’t manage the household. Maybe someone has a mental health crisis. Maybe a kid gets sick and needs special treatment at a facility that only one parent’s job allows them the time to travel to. Maybe you get separated when traveling. Anything could happen.
Good points!
That comment you received was so moronic. I used to work for a financial advisor, and the husband would die and these women would come in having no clue about their financial situations and the bad situations their husbands left them in. And even now I know several millennial aged women who are in relationships they would like to leave, but they can’t because they can’t even afford a 1 bedroom apartment by themselves. Not having enough money to pay your mortgage is not a flex. At all. 🙄
This is actually an old practice with a lot of cultures where women have dowries. They would have a portion of the dowry that couldn’t be accessed by her husband or her in laws. This was done for her protection in case of abusive relationships, if the husband gambled away all their money, etc. sometimes the husbands would try to steal the money but legally he had no right to it
This is such a double edged sword because I love having time to clean and cook and take care of a home, garden, all the things that a house needs — I’m from generations of home makers and the 9-5 is literally painful for me to do. But I have not met anyone I trust enough to quit my job or move to part time. It just isn’t worth it.
Its literally painful for all of us, babes.
Even if you do find someone who lets you have that, don’t check out entirely on the financial side of things. Nor let them be clueless about the things you like doing and will be doing most of the time, even if you like cooking and cleaning, they should know how to take care of themselves, too, in case you get ill, are outside the house for whatever reason, etc. Statistically, one of the two people in a couple will die earlier than the other.
I feel like I’m learning more than just financial advice from you. This is just solid life advice.
THIS. All of it. I’ve been married and sharing expenses for 41 years to a financially stable, responsible man and I still keep my own “leaving money”. I do it to practice what I preach to my younger friends, and maintain that I am in the relationship voluntarily just like he is.
I’ll add that he and were just saying to each other that we need to sit down and review all of our accounts, passwords etc., because we haven’t done it in awhile.
Yes, i shut that down early in our marriage i told my husband,
” Thats a horrible way to think of yourself. I am not here becouse I need to be, I am not here becouse i have to be. I am here becouse I see something of value in you and in us.
“Me having my own money means you know I am here becouse of how much I respect and admire you. And I work on myself to make sure I am worthy of someone I admire.”
– imagine being thought of as a credit card in a marriage that is insulting to BOTH.
There’s a reason why abusive partners always push for women to leave their jobs. If a guy says you shouldn’t work, you shouldn’t be with him.
“You’re just jealous” No, I just saw what happened when my father died unexpectedly and left my mom with 3 kids and a 20 year gap on her resume
Raising three children shouldn’t be a “gap in the resume” on the other hand.
it is, though. Unless maybe you’re applying to childcare jobs, it’s gonna be hard to be up to date and have the necessary exerperience to compete on the job market. It’s not a value statement to say long term stay at home parents have gaps in professional experience.
An old friend of mine lost her father when she was about 16, and her mother had no idea how their finances worked. That poor woman had to go on an absolute financial crash course in one of the most difficult times of her life, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. She made it through, but everyone could see how difficult it was for her.