5 “Growing Up Poor” Habits You May Not Realize You Have
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In this episode, Chelsea dives into five common but easily overlooked habits people pick up after growing up poor. Living in poverty has lasting effects we need to talk about.
Sources:
Problematic relationships with food:
Impulsive financial behavior:
Resisting big purchases:
Avoiding social gatherings:
Living in discomfort:
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I never lived below the poverty line, but my family had wildly fluctuating wealth, and it gave me a lifelong fear that at any moment my money could vanish.
Same here.
I was born in the USSR and my family’s money did vanish overnight when the Soviet Union collapsed. 30 years later I’m still struggling to find a balance between having a healthy amount in my savings account and disposable income. I feel bad if I don’t save money but at the same time I have this little voice in my head saying “But what if the world economy collapses tomorrow and my money loses all value? All that effort for nothing!”
oh yes especially when wages are garnished or there’s a ‘mistake’ and you overdraft your account and owe hundreds in overdraft fees.
I totallly get that! I will say, having an emergency fund is really helpful in having peace of mind that even if something goes horribly wrong you at least have a few months to figure out something else. My mom lost her job and we had three months of income saved for her to find a new job.
@@GeeklingNo1 I have enough money to not work for an entire year, and I STILL have worst case scenarios going through my brain constantly. What if there’s another recession? What if I’m blinded in a car accident and can’t do my office job anymore? What it both my parents lose their money and I have to help them? What if what if what if…
This was eye-opening. I’ve never realized that avoiding socializing is a money issue, but it totally is.
I think I might have invented and cultivated an introverted persona just because books are cheaper than dinners. Damn.
Me too!
Me also… I would love to go out but I can’t afford anything and going out to places will only make me want to spend money I don’t have so I stay at home… people keep saying I’m an introvert but I’m not. I go to free things but there’s not much of that.
Agree completely. I think the situation is compounded by not having/taking the opportunity to develop good social skills. Even now when I have enough, I don’t go out much because I’m not sure how to do it-for lack of better words.
Same, books from the public library and video games because you can purchase some of them one time and then play online for hours with other people. I avoid the easy money upgrades and “grind” for those items. I say its fun, but I know in the back of my mind that I’m just unwilling to pay it. I have created hobbies that are cheap and keep me busy, but have caused a reduction in true in person social interaction.
@@anotherfoolishmortal5437 So true! I think you learn to enjoy it by practicing, just like everything else in life. Now that I’m used to not socializing, even when I do spend money it’s on things that feel familiar, like video games, outdoor solo sports, etc. It’s not bad per se, but the point is that now when I want to (and can afford to) be with people, my habits… sort of disagree?..
One thing I still do is keep my oven door open after I’m done using it to “not waste” the heat.
Low key that’s a good idea tho
This is a good idea because there is humidity in it – and it can evaporate if it is a bit open. And yes, if the heat does not go into the room it heats up cabinets more (so if you have food in them, that may affect it).
Another thing: Not accepting gifts or kindness from others. Too many times have people do nice things for me only for them to hold it over my head sometime later. Basically, I owe them something because they gave me clothes or food or a ride. Some people would be mean to me and when i would defend myself, they’d call me ungrateful because they also do nice things. So i stopped accepting kindness. I would never ask for things-even when i desperately needed it. And if people offered to do something nice for me “just because,” i wouldn’t believe that it would be “just because.” I’d always concluded that there are ulterior motives.
I am with you and share in this experience.
This comment hit home!
THIS!!!
Yup. Sadly I feel you on this one as well.
That feeling of having someone throw what they did for you back in your face and making you feel like a charity case is the worst. It’s the reason why I’m having to learn the simple act of receiving things without hesitation or controversy in my late 30s.
Another issue from growing up poor: “hoarding”.
Thanks to an eye-opening chat with a friend who grew up in similar circumstances, I realised that I have a tendency to hoard items “just in case” I’ll need them.
The example she gave, you buy a pack of six drawer knobs (as they don’t do a smaller size) and use the two you need. We are both hardwired to keep the other four just in case we might need them in future.
I’m also more likely to buy something potentially useful simply because it’s a good bargain / on offer (even when I don’t have a foreseeable need for it). And I’ll likely offer to “rescue” something (e.g. furniture) that a friend is passing on / throwing away etc.
Thankfully I’m now in a position where I have a good level of income security.
In the example of the door knobs, if and when I need any in future, I am likely to be able to afford to buy more – so why am I really keeping the extra ones now?!
I have so much clutter that it having a negative impact on my mental health.
Coming to the realisation that I was holding onto items just in case I might have need of them but couldn’t afford them in a hypothetical future has helped massively.
I’ve begun a journey of decluttering and am able to donate things to charity shops and list things on e.g. free cycle so people who need the things I don’t can benefit from them. And it’s improving my mental health, so yay!
My grandmother survived (just barely) the great depression in the late 1920’s and 1930’s. When she died we found a bottle of cough syrup that had been prescribed to my sister when she was 2 in back of her closet. My sister is 53 now. It took months to sort through all that junk. Some of it was valuable but we almost threw away several valuable things because it was buried in a sea of garbage.
So true. I feel really bad for my dad whose hoarding habit has gotten so much worse over the years. He hasn’t been able to find work after moving to the US, in his home country he was a doctor. So he would buy cheap things on sale or just keep things if it could be of use to someone. I think it was his way of being ‘useful’ even though it ended up being a huge detriment to his life. Poor dad 🙁
I had a similar realisation a few months ago, and threw away some house-repair related stuff. This year I’m way worse financially (mostly due to inflation), and today I needed a filter replacement that, you guess, I threw away back then thinking I would be able to buy a new one when needed. I have hated myself all day long.
The food insecurity thing hit the nail on the head for me. I eat as much as I can whenever it’s free even if I am not hungry. I make six figures so money is not an issue anymore. My spouse thinks it’s weird of me to be this way but he’ll never get it. He grew up differently.
Hoarding is too real. Every time I move I want to slap myself 😩
I have had poor impulse control with money in the past due to growing up poor. My thinking used to be “no one else is going to take care of me so I am” and I used that as an excuse to buy whatever my heart desired because I couldn’t ever get what I wanted growing up
Same here
That’s the same with me
I am 73. Only recently have I been able to use aluminum foil to make clean up easier. And I buy AND use paper towels. There are many examples, but those life long habits of thriftiness I always thought were a value choice – not be sucked into the consumer culture. Now I see most as a reaction to not having enough ever to splurge on Windex. This rich Boomer didn’t have health insurance until I was 32. Now I have to be at death’s door to go to the doctor.
Number one hit hard: I’m in my early 40’s and it’s still difficult for me to leave food any food on my plate, even if I’m full and even if it’s just a few bites. Growing up, that was just something you didn’t do. You weren’t allowed to let food go to waste.
Honestly, it is a good habit!
“Better belly bust than good food go to waste.” So it goes to waist, oops.
Yep. Unless it’s lima beans. /shudder/
If you took food and didn’t eat it, you were a bad person.
You shouldn’t waste food regardless of your income. You shouldn’t over eat either. Just eat it later or just don’t get more than you can consume. This is something high income people should learn from you.
5:15 Problematic Relationships with Food
7:41 Poor Impulse Control with $
9:14 Working too hard to justify purchases
11:26 Avoiding social gatherings
13:36 Being ok with discomfort
I wanted to know the time stamps and there were none. So here you go if you’re like me 🙂
I needed this! Thank you!
Thank you Dear..much appreciated
Thank you so much!
Thanks for this!
Thank you!
Ten years ago I read of a study where a child was left alone in a room with a piece of candy. The adult told them, “You may eat the candy at anytime, but if you wait until I return you’ll get an additional piece.” The children who were able to wait to get the 2nd piece ending up having higher incomes as adults. The psychologists determined the ability to delay gratification was the reason. I quickly saw the flaw in the study. Recalling my days as an Au Pair where the parents let their kids eat as much candy as they wanted I realized that because candy wasn’t a scarce commodity to them they would have probably been able to forget about that 1 piece of candy in front of them. Maybe there were were other reasons for the difference in incomes as adults.
I also read about this study years ago, and then more recently read about a follow up study where they showed EXACTLY what you are talking about – that the ability to delay gratification is correlated with family wealth, so the first study was inherently flawed.
@@roxanneconner7185 Maybe it’s genetics and the family had wealth because they also could delay gratification.
@@anniealexander9616 as a clinical and community psychologist I can assure you that’s not the case.
@@helgaioannidis9365 As a landlord of over 30 years, I can tell you that income doesn’t have a large effect on whether or not a child will become successful. It’s genetics.
I have a set of tenants at the moment with a nice income but 3 Harley Davidsons and other wants are keeping them broke.
The husband makes more than I do at our primary jobs. The difference is, I can delay gratification and I’ve built multiple income streams and have built wealth that far surpass his.
A little over a year ago, a childhood friend of mine told me that my family has always been better than his.
I took time to think about it. My dad had his first heart attack when I was 6 and died when I was 11. My friend lost his dad at 49 years old. I grew up on survivors social security.
While my friend was playing football in high school, I was flipping burgers at a local restaurant.
My mom took me to the bank when I got my first check. She said deposit $100 and keep $7 to spend. So I had to delay gratification and save up for a want.
My friends dad sold their lawnmower to pay for his letterman jacket in high school. He taught his son to get what he wanted at the time no matter what.
My friend lives in a junky trailor just like his parents did. Doors falling off the cabinets and disgusting green dirty carpet. I live in a 3000sqft cape cod with hardwood floors throughout in a nice area.
My childhood friend has a mortgage, 3 car loans, over 20k in credit card debt, and his dad’s funeral expenses. I’m completely debt free including no mortgage and I’m a landlord.
My childhood friend has a cushy IT job working from home and an unbelievably good income. His income from our primary jobs is higher than mine. But my income from delaying gratification and building wealth far surpasses his.
While he is still making payments on the vacation he took 10 years ago, I’m collecting rent from an investment made 10 years ago. While he is still paying for the dinner he ate last year, I’m collecting dividends from money I invested in stocks.
When he told me his dad didn’t have life insurance, I was disgusted. He had previously complained to me about having to pay for his dad’s cable bill. It’s around $130 a month. That could have paid for an ins policy but it all goes back to choosing wants over needs. My mom had a life ins policy made to each of her children when she passed. (My dad had ins also but I was a child. I think it was all made to my mom). Not only was her burial expenses covered but we all had money left over. This is when I knew he was correct in his previous statement. My family is better than his.
Members of my family will do without a want to be able to give to each other. It’s not because we were raised in a wealthy household. It’s because we’ve been taught how to be productive member of society and we have the ability to delay gratification!
@@helgaioannidis9365 My childhood friend and I both have 3 children. Guess whose children are thriving and which one has children who are failing! 🤔
I work in an affluent residential aged care facility.
People often laugh at the fact so many seniors stress about money even when it’s factually not as issue, but one has to remember that these people remember the War and Great Depression, and these have come back to haunt them in later years.
This generation was incredibly resilient, and whenever I feel sorry for myself for whatever reason I have to remember that people have GENUINELY had to make do and mend.
“Growing up poor” should be a series on TFD, it is the experience of most people! Would love to hear more insights on this topic as I can so identify with the struggle to change the mindset around money, even now when earning more.
Now that I’m more financially stable, I find I have no problems spending money on little things, but I struggle immensely with making larger purchases. I can easily find myself spending $150 at one time on a bunch of items I don’t really need, but I can’t spend that same $150 on one item that I really do. It makes no sense.
Same here! I am unlearning this bad habbit 🙏
Omg, so true. It’s like I know that f. e. buying one expensive pullover with good quality would be better than 5 cheaper ones. But I try to get there bc I bought a cashmere pullover that I would have never bought years earlier. But it’s still hard for me with furniture.
I have this issue too!
Same
I’m like that too. I think it’s because as you said, you’re more financially stable. You don’t want to financially destabilize yourself. Small costs flutter by, but big ones can actually affect your bank balance. When I recently lost my job, I needed a car (I had been driving a fleet vehicle.) I “could have afforded” a newer, more reliable car and maybe in the long run, I should have, but I just couldn’t bring myself to part with that much money all at once, especially with the uncertainty of when my next income will take place. I think that’s the root of the issue. How financially stable are you really? When I was working, I thought I was doing very well, but one has to ask oneself (and anyone who is wise, will) “what if I lose this job tomorrow? Will I be okay for enough time to get a new job??” FYI, I’m still looking, and it has been three months.
Financial advice aside, sometimes it’s just really nice to have someone out there who can validate the experiences and trauma that comes with poverty. Thank you for that.
I think this is one of her best videos and I’ve been subbed for years
Amen
FOR REAL, and the financial effects of trauma are largely unspoken because capitalism relies on it
I agree, it may sound absurd to hear people talk about what to do in order to survive and surpass poverty without them knowing how it actually works to be living in poverty. It hits us differently if the people in front of us really knew how it’s like to be financially incapable.
Exactly!
My dad grew up poor and he gets super easily sold on upgrades. His mindset is basically that the most expensive version of the thing must be the best and therefore must be “worth it.” It was totally eye opening to me when I realized I actually prefer my $40 Express leggings over my $100 Spanx ones. Price does not equal quality
It isn’t the most expensive that he wants. Combos give you more food than you need but people buy them because you get more per dollar spent.
No, it is the most expensive thing, because you allways look at them and thing “damn, those things are probably way better”, but you can’t get it.
Yeah like there’s so many legging brands out there with Gymshark and these fitness “influencers” but mine from target are so much more comfortable and affordable Nowadays I feel like cheap stuff is better quality and often made in the same factories that the more expensive items are from. Or maybe I’m just cheap and love saving money lol Like with makeup. Even cheap makeup shocked me with how much I liked it
Is he the target audience for that thousand-dollar HDMI cable that’s essentially a scam?
My Dad was a very accomplished man but when he bought something he often said, just get the most expensive one, because it’s the best. Relic of a very poor childhood in the Depression.
When I was working 2 jobs and living in my car, I ate 50¢ IKEA hotdogs every single day for a few years. I’m financially comfortable now (debt free, own my own home as well as an investment property ) but I still have zero issue eating the same thing every single day. I literally don’t understand people who complain about “just eating that yesterday.”
When I was just starting out; working in the city; in a prestigious law firm, I could have brought my lunch every day, but with an extremely active toddler and being a single Mom, I found a cafeteria type of sit down restaurant that would make me a made to order salad (greens, tomatoes, carrots green onions a handful of shredded cheese and dressing on the side, for under $3) I could go out to eat with colleagues, spend very little money, but also be part of the important social integration of working in a professional office.
@@godivademausAnd what does that have to do with someone who was so poor that they had to live in their car and eat 50 cent meals? Your situation was not at all comparable.
even though 50cents a dog is cheap wouldn’t a $1 pack of 8 dogs and a $1.5 cent pack of buns work out even less per dog?
@@markbajek2541 yes but I was homeless and was living in my car – didn’t have a place to cook.
The problem with eating like that though is that it ruins your health. 😢. You stayed alive but now you damaged your heart. It all comes back to bite you when you hit 50. When I was a kid we never had milk or cheese becuase we couldn’t afford it. My mum would buy that powered milk but because it was gross we’d just have a bit on cereal and never drink it otherwise. Well guess who now has early onset osteoporosis at 49 😢 . The effects of childhood poverty can follow you through your whole adult life. 😢
Looking for more TFD? Our podcast, The Financial Confessions, is back! Watch a recording of the live premiere of season 3 here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOYbMpxIDeo&t=4145s
Wow. This explains so much of my life. This is one of the best videos on YouTube. Thank you!
“Growing up poor can sometimes feel lika a milion little traumas that never really leave you.” Woah mindblown🤯 I suddenly remembered how my parents always made me feel that we didn’t have enough money, and that as their child, I should be the one to adjust to their financial situation. Which honestly made me have poor relationship with money.
How else would you live if you don’t adjust to your parents’ financial situation 😂. Leave and find new parents? Or would you rather they steal? I can’t believe some of these comments. Your children will also have to live with your financial situation. That’s how it works for everyone in the world.
You didn’t have much money growing up but the worst thing is your parents dealt with it in a very unhealthy way towards you!
@@nusaibahibraheem8183 that’s not a very polite way to respond to someone sharing their experience. Speaking from my own life, because my parents shared their financial constraints with me more than my siblings, I felt extra guilty spending money for things even as basic as food (while my siblings could easily get what they wanted). It’s one thing to have a lifestyle based on what your parents earn, but it’s not the same as feeling as though your family’s financial situation solely depends on you.
@@alizahmemon I hear you… the guilt one feels at asking for something, has to coexist with the outrage of seeing your siblings live a financially carefree life. My parents weren’t even poor or even middle class, my mom just liked to verbalise her “worries” to me whenever my siblings wanted something and I’d end up foregoing. Nine year old me thought we were on the brink of financial collapse. I’m trying to undo that insecurity and it’s a challenge everyday.
@@RajniGeorge I hope things get better for you! ✨ It’s really hard coming out of a mind frame, especially if one has lived in it for so many years. It’s great that you are aware of your insecurities and where they stem from; being mindful can really help you heal.
I confess that at times I’ve gone through uncomfortable situations due to my mentality of “it can wait” or “I don’t need it” 🤦♀️
Totally! Normalizing discomfort!
Tell me why i’m 34, planning my wedding and burst into tears watching this. No one talks about this. Thank you for this video. I’m only now realizing i’ve had these issues all my life.
One of the better habits I got from being poor was reading. Going to a movie cost money, but the public library was free. To this day, I’m the champion of finding free ways to learn things and entertain myself.
I could go to the library but couldn’t take anything out. I lived in a township that didn’t pay for the library. I would have to go to the library and read as much as I could in as short of period of time as I could. Since my parents would drop me off at the library while they grocery shopped. We went to town only on Saturdays. My bus ride to and from school was an hour and a half both ways. I was the first kid on the bus in the morning and the last kid off on the ride home. The only person on it longer than me was the bus driver.